Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
