STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
