Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
