So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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