If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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