They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
