also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
