I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
