Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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