if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
