I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
