are you still at the devil's house?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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