My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
