this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
