Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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