I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
