I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
