You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize