I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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