Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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