His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
