so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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