I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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