I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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