the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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