he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
