I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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