Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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