What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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