I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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