on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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