Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
