Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize