It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
