I'm gonna have a badass scar
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
