We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
