I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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