The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i now understand why vodka
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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