she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
