i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize