Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
