I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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