so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
