sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
