I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
