I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
