I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
