you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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