sarcasm needs its own font
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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