the day after is always just damage control
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had to cum in my sink.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
