Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
