Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
