you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
