All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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