I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
