nut hugger
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
