fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize