Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
