It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
