you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
