I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
