I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
