It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
