So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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