Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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