Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
