look no pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
