I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
