Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
whose ass print is on the piano?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
