pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
